Can We Talk?

by Rosalie Chen

Do you struggle discussing your concerns about the environment with family or friends?

"Can we talk?" is probably the most awkward phrase to say to someone (cue a deer-in-the-headlights look of surprise, sudden paranoia and stammered responses). Yet chatting about a difficult problem is often the best way to solve it. By creating a sense of awareness and connection between people, we can often reach a deeper understanding of each other and find creative solutions.

Given the staggering scientific evidence revealing the extent of environmental damage caused by human activity - from the widespread plastic debris plaguing our oceans, to the leaching of chemicals into our waterways and soil, to the roughly 21 million tonnes of waste we send to Australian landfills each year (about a third of the waste we produce as a country) - it seems logical that we should be discussing it, and often.

But talking about the elephant in the room can be challenging, even at the best of times. Sharing our personal views can be a daunting task, and now with the world in a state of crisis, the environment may be the last thing we'd want to bring up at the dinner table. But there are a few things we can do to make a conversation about the environment easier.

How come we don’t talk about it?
There are many reasons why we aren't discussing the state of the environment with our friends and family. These reasons could be social, political, cultural, economic, or personal. They aren't mutually exclusive, nor do they apply to everyone. But they can and do present barriers to this kind of communication. 

What are these barriers, and more importantly, what can we do about them?

All Doom and Gloom
Nobody likes receiving bad news. For many, the experience, or perception, of environmental destruction can cause a great deal of anxiety and depression. And the constant Armageddon-like portrayal of environmental damage probably doesn’t help much, particularly if people feel helpless to prevent it. Especially now, with a pandemic raging and the global economy suffering, bringing up the subject may just feel too overwhelming.

Now's Not the Time / It's Too Hard
In a demanding world that expects us to have a career, look after ourselves, raise our families, be fit, look a certain way, (the list goes on), we can feel like we don’t have the time to talk about the environment or make lifestyle changes. It's also tempting to tell ourselves that we'll have time to deal with things later on, "When I have more ___ (money, time, freedom, etc)". This could be someone who still cares about the environment but feels unable to make changes - whether it's due to stress from their busy lifestyle or the perceived difficulty of change eg. "It's too ___ (much effort, expensive, time-consuming, etc.)."

Someone Else Will Change It / Nothing Will Change Anyway
This person might believe that change on an individual level isn't enough to be meaningfully discussed. They think that large-scale actions, such as policy changes or developments in science and technology, are the only solutions. 
Another barrier to action is the notion of "Why bother? Nothing will change anyway". Perhaps this individual has been constantly disappointed by the perceived lack of positive action, whether from other people, businesses/industries, or policymakers/government, and no longer feels hopeful about change.

We Simply Aren't Exposed to the Topic
Our access nowadays to wider means of technological communication can paradoxically lead to narrower exposure to certain topics. We're more likely to connect with similar-minded people, and less likely to interact with dissimilar people. This can mean that, particularly on social media platforms, certain topics simply aren't discussed, or there is poor, and sometimes incorrect, spread of information. 

Being in an echo chamber that only reflects our own beliefs back to us, or simply not having access to accurate and quality information, can lead to insulation and prevent us from experiencing broader topics or ideas that challenge our long-held beliefs.

Speaking Out Is Difficult
As social creatures, it's difficult to disturb the status quo. Humans want to belong, and this can sometimes mean "fitting in" and not giving voice to our inner beliefs or values. The topic could be new territory, and the uncertainty and vulnerability might be enough to turn us off talking about it. The fear of backlash or criticism is a huge challenge for speaking up9.
 
This is important because people are more likely to express their views or actions if they think others are on the same page, compared to if they think not many agree with them. Whatever the reason, this idea of socially constructed silence often gets in the way of sharing ideas, facts and feedback, and applies, not just to talking about environmental damage, but to many other topics also perceived as controversial or taboo.

So what can we do?

If talking about our impact on the environment is such a tall order, how can we engage and empower others to think, talk and maybe even take action about it? Perhaps our friends or family aren't very used to talking about it or haven't given much thought to making sustainable living choices. The following points, might help us navigate this complex topic.

 

Get to Know Yourself

Firstly get to know your own thoughts. How does our treatment of the planet make you feel? Why does it matter to you? Becoming familiar with your own thoughts, preconceptions, emotions and lifestyle choices helps you better understand your own perspectives and be able to speak to someone else about it.

 

Be Gentle and Start Slow

Nobody likes being told what to do. Neither do they enjoy being patronised or confronted, especially out of the blue.

 

Consent is Important

Ask if you can talk to your friend or family member about the environment. Whatever their response, be respectful of their boundaries regarding a discussion. Maybe they want to talk another time or in a more comfortable setting, or simply don't want to talk at all. That’s OK - the fact that you were respectful of their boundaries means that they're more likely to come to you if they do eventually change their mind.

 

Find Common Ground

Start with common interests or values to help build trust and connection. Depending on the other person's priorities or concerns, that could be taking a healthcare, economic or emotional approach to the topic (eg. appealing to a parent’s sense of looking after their kids). Talking about something that hits close to home creates a greater sense of urgency and personal involvement.

 

It's Not What You Say, It's How You Say It

How you convey a message is just as important as the message itself. A confrontational or superior attitude is likely to alienate and disengage your audience, especially if they already hold dissimilar or opposing views. Frame things positively. Be gentle and inclusive, while avoiding accusations or pushy demands - or nagging!

 

Practice Makes Perfect

It takes time to build up the confidence to bring up this topic, and trial and error to figure out your communication style. Start by talking with someone you trust. Break the conversation down into small, easy-to-digest components to help collect your thoughts and avoid feeling overwhelmed. Nobody expects to get it perfect on the first go!

 

Empathise

Empathy goes a long way, as do open-ended questions, in establishing the other person's thoughts and feelings. Questions such as "How do you feel about…?" or "What do you want to know…?" help build rapport and break down misconceptions. Asking "What do you think should be done…?" or "Have you ever wanted to do something about…?" encourages the idea that action is possible, and empowers the other person to feel like they are a part of the solution. This can also let you talk about barriers getting in the way of change.

 

Listen to Understand

This conversation is about them, not you. Focus on listening and understanding throughout the discussion. If they do ask you questions, respond with what you think is important, but avoid overloading them with opinions or scientific facts. When you're finished, steer the conversation back to them.

 

Sharing is Caring

If asked about your experiences, share them! Opening up to others helps build trust, and the feeling that we’re in this together. Being honest about our own problems and initial misgivings shows that it's okay to not have all the answers, to fall down sometimes, and that changing your mind is perfectly acceptable.

 

Collaboration is Key

Collaboration and skilful communication are key when actioning change, particularly if you live with others. If they’re on-board with making some lifestyle changes after your discussion (pat yourself on the back!), but instead of saying "I think you should do this!", ask "What could we do together to… (reduce our food waste, improve our recycling habits, use less plastic, etc.)?".


By encouraging a constructive and inclusive attitude about the problem, we can find creative solutions together that work for everyone, especially when there are multiple barriers to change.

 

Be Patient & Kind (to Others and Yourself)

People are always learning and changing. So even if your discussion didn't have the desired impact, hopefully you were both able to take away something useful for the future. The simple act of inviting someone to have a chat, though it might be declined now, could be remembered in future when that person is more curious or interested.

 

And when making changes, be forgiving. It's okay to forget your KeepCup sometimes, or occasionally order take-away. Sometimes you might buy the cheaper-but-more-packaged grocery product, or you felt like driving down the block to the shops today. Not all of us are able to install solar panels or can afford to purchase an electric car.


We've all had highs and lows, those moments swamped up to our necks in family/work/life, times where we've forgotten something or were just feeling plain lazy. Rather than beating ourselves up for not doing enough to minimise our impact, instead focus on acknowledging the positive actions we've taken. Everyone has a different financial/mental/emotional/social capacity for making change, so it's important to remember to be kind to one other.

 

We are not alone.

A majority of Australians agree that human activity is impacting the environment, and that we're already experiencing its detrimental effects. Even though addressing environmental issues requires action at many levels, simply having a chat with the people around us is an incredibly important way to spread awareness, break down barriers, keep ourselves accountable, and ultimately promote widespread action. It's our conversations at home which provide the momentum for transforming public attitude and actions on a larger scale.


And we're already seeing promising shifts in perspectives, in the way we protest, vote and spend our money. So let's continue the call for action by starting (or continuing) our chats about the environment. Together, we can create the positive social, and hopefully political, changes needed to drive further action within our local, national and global communities.


Rosalie Chen is currently doing postgraduate studies in Public Health. She loves the environment and believes in caring for the planet to protect our future.



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